Prologue.
Scenes from previous episodes
Night in Boston.
AMB and GB are walking.
AMB: So you didn't date anybody in Chicago ?
GB: Not really. The women save themselves for Sammy Sosa. What about you ?
AMB: George Clooney.
GB: No, I meant... Have you been dating since I left ?
AMB: Oh... I'm sure I must have, I just can't remember anybody right now.
GB: I see...
They're getting to AMB's building stairs.
AMB: Well, I'd invite you in, but Renee is there and I'm afraid the two of you would sing a duet.
GB: I see...
AMB: Is that all you say ? I see ?
GB: Let me begin this second go-round by just walking you to your door like a perfect gentleman.
AMB: I like that word : Begin.
Vonda sings "Anticipation". AMB imagines their tongues slowly reaching towards each other, even though they are not moving.
AMB: Call me.
GB: I'll think about it.
AMB laughs a little.
Credits.
Next morning. AMB and RR flat.
AMB is getting ready to go to work. RR is there.
RR: Did you kiss ?
AMB: Not really. Just a short... soft... I'm gonna take it real slow, and what's even better, he wants to take it slow, and when a guy wants to take it slow... (AMB imagines herself rising 30cm above the ground - what's interesting is that while she is up there, the other characters still look at her as if she were on the ground, so they look in her eyes at the level of her chest, or just about...) I'd better get to work.
RR: Yeah, you'd better.
Cage & Fish lobby. Elevator opens.
AMB ducks to get underneath the door and go through, and keeps on walking in the air. BT is in the lobby.
BT: Hey !
AMB: Hey ! How is it going ?
BT: You look...
AMB: What ?
RF comes towards them.
RF: Ally, Billy, need you both. Just got a bit of our hands off, new client, conference room, ten minutes.
RF leaves. AMB turns around and sees LW.
LW: hello !
AMB falls down.
AMB: Ling ! Why are you always here ?
LW growls and leaves.
BT: She's suing the environment.
Conference room.
GT: How is that possible ?
NP: Well, without defending her, let me defend her. Active organizations have brought law suits claiming trees have rights, if a tree can sue you, why can't you sue a tree ?
GT: Nelle !
NP: Yes, Georgia ?
GT: It's one thing to say that you can sue the environment, but why do we have to be the lawyers doing it ?
NP: Actually, I'm just trying to tie you up in court while I tie up Billy. (pause) Kidding !
GT: You think that's funny ?
NP: Umm umm...
RF: All right, I agreed to take this case, not Nelle, bygones. But we got bigger fish to fry here, Kimberley Goodman, husband wants to annul the marriage, Ally, I thought you and I would take it, I'll first chair, since I'm on a roll... (hears the bad bells)
AMB: On what grounds does he want to annul the marriage ?
RF: Incompetence. He's a sexoholic. Says he was under the influence of the dumb stick when he went through the ceremony.
GT laughs. RF looks at her puzzled.
GT: Surely, you're making that up ?
RF: Off we go. Good lawyers everyone. Ally, she's in my office.
Cage & Fish lobby.
EV catches up with AMB while she walks through.
EV: Ally, it's none of my business, but are you and Greg Butters dating again ?
AMB: Elaine !
EV: I only ask because I care and I wouldn't want to see you get squished like the last time.
AMB (stops walking just before she gets in her office and turns around): That's why you ask, you're afraid of me getting squished ?
EV: That, and he's here.
GB (at the door of AMB's office, inside): Hi !
AMB (turns around): I... I... I did not get squished !
GB: I thought instead of calling I'll stop by in person. Put you on the spot. How about tonight ?
AMB (rising 30 cm again): Tonight ? Well, I'll have to check my schedule.
EV: You're free. Like every night.
AMB (going down): Thank you Elaine ! Tonight will be fine.
GB: Great ! Pick you up here ?
AMB: No ! Umm, why don't you pick me up at home, like a perfect gentleman, 7 o'clock ?
GB: I'll wear a tie ! (he bents down to kiss her just at the corner of the lips - EV shows him her cheek but he leaves)
EV: There must be someone to tell ! (she leaves)
After GB leaves, AMB just folds in two at the waist like she is carrying a very heavy weight on her back, or like her stomach hurts. JC sees her.
JC: Everything all right ?
AMB: Fine.
JC: Why are you standing here like that ?
AMB: I think I need mental help.
JC: Why ?
AMB: I feel happy. I'm just not equipped.
JC: I got an appointment with Tracy at lunch time, you wanna take it ?
AMB: Umm; no, that's...
JC: I'm just going over a little Nelle anxiety, nothing as earth shattering as happy...
AMB: Well...
JC: I bet she'll take us together.
RF's office.
KG is talking to AMB.
KG: Nine years we were married. I didn't think it was remotely possible he could really get an annulment. And my lawyer yesterday suddenly told me it could happen. His niche is trademark law, that's why... Well, I thought I'd better have an expert in divorce law... which you are, right ?
RF: Yes, it's our specialty.
AMB: Richard ! No, it's not our specialty Mrs. Goodman.
RF: But I took a class in it in law school. We can do it. (hears the bad bells)
KG: This isn't just about money to me, though there's a lot involved. I've been a housewife for the last nine years ! I've been raising children ! The idea that a court could nullify everything ?
AMB: This is a legal proceeding Mrs. Goodman. That court can't nullify you or your life.
KG: My children are 7 and 9, and it's important to me that... I don't want a judge to rule that their father married their mother in some act of insanity.
AMB: We're not gonna let that happen. I promise you.
Tracy's office.
JC and AMB are on the couch, alone.
JC: You shouldn't make promises !
AMB: Imagine ! He's trying to wipe out the whole marriage as if it never existed !
JC: More and more divorce lawyers are trying it.
AMB: Just when I started to believe in love again, something comes along to... I am so glad I have a career ! Nobody is gonna be able to pull the rug out from under my life and suddenly make it meaningless ! You can say whatever you want about me but at least I am in control of my world !
JC: Yeah, you're in here seeking treatment for happiness.
(From behind the door, a man is shouting): I don't care, tell her I'm busy, (door opens) tell her I'm dead ! (slams the door and looks at them) Why are there two people here ?
AMB: Who are you ?
DN: Dr. Nickle, I'm filling in for Dr. Tracy, who's in California pitching Telethon and possibly a pilot. Who's the sick one ?
AMB: Him - (at the same time)
JC: Her.
DN (sits down in Tracy's chair): You must be John... So you're in therapy and what, you decided to bring a date ? Where's your popcorn ?
JC: This is Ally McBeal, We're both papa... patients of Tracy's, and since our symptoms both go towards fears of relationships...
DN (not really nice and understanding...): You decided to team up ! Fine ! Theme songs ! (to AMB) You first.
AMB: I... I'm not singing my theme song to a stranger !
DN (to JC): Hey ! Spanky, you go.
JC: Oh, yea... No.
DN: No ? Look, I'd like to help but two wacky little people who come in tandem and refuse to sing their theme songs ? Do I look like a miracle worker ?
AMB: Gee, is this the way...
DN (shouting) : Shut up ! (calmer) I'm speaking. When you're going to the movies, do you talk back to the screen as well ?
AMB: No. But sometimes I just walk out. (she starts to get up)
DN: Ah, great. I just gonna need you to sign this release form (takes out a paper from his file).
AMB: A release ?
DN: Well, it basically says if you jump out of a window, we won't be held liable. Just initial the bottom. (AMB bends down to sign, DN checks out her butt) So back to you stuttering John, how's everything in Poughkee-kee-keepsy ?
JC: Poughkeep... Poop. (JC gets up and prepares to leave too)
DN: Poop ? Now that's progress. Tracy will be real pleased. (JC and AMB leave. DN makes a big smile, a therapy one
)
RF's office.
LW and RF talking. LW is upset.
LW: The people here don't take me seriously !
RF: Ling, you're suing a tree !
LW: I am counter-claiming !
RF: Ling ! (she growls) Oh, the glare !
LW: I'm beginning to think, you don't take me seriously !
RF: You know, I'm trying, Ling, but what am I ? Are we serious ? We haven't even had sex !
LW: We've kissed. I let you push up against my breast in the elevator.
RF: Only when it's crowded. All kidding aside, Ling... You don't like sex ?
LW: It's messy.
RF: Well, I'm very god at cleaning up after myself... Do you think that maybe counseling...
LW: Why is it so important to a man ?
RF: Sex ?
LW: Yes ! Whatever happened to simple intimacy, emotion, tenderness ?!
RF: We have been dating for four months !
LW: Nelle hasn't had sex with the funny little man !
RF: I don't know what's going on there, I'm concerned more about us ! If we are an us...
LW: I like foreplay.
RF: So do I, I'd be happy with three play.
LW: There are other things besides intercourse and a waddle.
RF: I'm just... I need to know if we're going anywhere.
LW: Stick out your index finger.
RF: Excuse me ?
LW: Let me have it (he sticks out his finger and she holds it) Most people don't even know the finger is erogenous. Have you tried this before ? (she starts to slowly lick his finger) Tried that before ?
RF: Only after eating chicken but it's not the same...
LW: No, it's not the same... (she goes on and RF's face is not possible to describe...) Do you really like that ?
RF: Yeah...
LW (now upset, she stops holding the finger): See, there's so many other things besides intercourse, but men just can't see beyond their dumb sticks ! (she leaves - RF is struck dumb, finger up. Falling in his coach !).
Cage & Fish lobby.
AMB going through mail.
RF: Ready ?
AMB: Let's go !
JC (coming up to her): I was thinking maybe we don't need Tracy. Maybe we can just bounce our respective problems off each other.
AMB: You think ?
JC: Well, I'm comfortable talking with you, I think that you are with me...
AMB: Well, umm, OK...
NP (coming up): John !
JC: Nelle... Hi !
NP: Hi ! (to AMB) Late for court ? (AMB leaves) Dinner tomorrow night ?
JC: Well...
NP: Don't start playing hard to get again John (She sees GT coming behind her) I might just give up and start going after Billy. (she slowly turns around and whispers to GT) Kidding ! (she leaves)
GT: Umm (not happy !) Just, you know, for my own education, what exactly do you see in her ? (JC folds his arms and does not answer
)
Court room.
MG is testifying.
MG: I'm afraid I married her because she's beautiful.
GA: Mr. Goodman, I'm sorry to report a lot of men marry for looks.
MG: What I mean to say is, I wasn't acting out of free will. I suffer from sexual obsessive compulsive behavior, and this affected my mental competence.
GA: Your mental competence ?
MG: Basically, I was crazy.
RF (getting up): Move to strike, Your Honor, any man's crazy to get married ! (AMB grabs him and makes him sit down - we hear the bad bells) Umm, withdrawn.
GA: You're saying, you married this woman out of a mental infirmity caused by a raging libido ?
MG: I have a sexual compulsion. I married her to make love regularly and in perpetuity, thinking that if anything could cure me from lusting after other women... Unfortunately that didn't happen.
RF: You still want to make love to her ?
MG: Yes, but I also want others.
RF: So why not just cheat ? You're married.
MG: She wants to divorce me.
RF: Oh, that's right, and you being a wealthy man, my client would realize a substantial amount of money in a divorce settlement, right Mr. Goodman ?
MG: I suppose.
RF: You suppose... But if the marriage was somehow nullified... Gee ! She wouldn't get anything ! This sickness not only gets you off, it gets you off cheap !
GA: Objection !
RF: Withdrawn. You took a vow, Mr. Goodman, a vow till death do you part. I don't see any dead people here, do you ?
GA: Objection !
RF: Withdrawn. Why not just get a divorce, Mr. Goodman, why is it so important to get an annulment ?
MG: I was not of sound mind when I made the decision to marry. I was not of sound mind when I committed the act of marriage in the ceremony. There can therefore be no competent meeting of the minds which is necessary for any contract to be valid.
RF: Those are good legal buzzwords.
GA: He's badgering the witness !
RF: Nine years, Mr. Goodman, two children, you walk into a court and say, strike that from the record.
MG: I'm not a bad man Mister Fish. Do you think I'm proud of all this ?
RF: Will you feel proud if you avoid alimony ?
GA: Objection !
MG: Kimberly, I'm sorry to hurt you this way.
RF: She's not the victim here, Mr. Goodman, you are, remember ? You're the victim.
Coffee shop, outside.
NP and LW sitting at a table.
LW: Do you really want to sleep with John Cage ?
NP: Ling, I like him, what's so impossible to understand ?
LW: I'm not questioning you liking him, it's just... Am I strange not to be wanting... "it" ?
NP: You can't even say "it", can you ?
LW: I can say "it", I just don't, because for whatever reason, whenever I say the word, it drives men crazy. Even some women.
NP: When you say the word sex ?
LW: Yes.
NP: The way you say the word drives men crazy ?
LW: Yes.
NP: What's so special about the way you say sex ?
LW: If I knew, I'd correct it ! Believe me !
NP: Say it !
LW: Not a chance !
NP: Ling, it's just you and me, say it !
LW: Sex.
NP: One more time ?
LW: Sex. (NP looks troubled... and picks up her coffee).
Court room.
AMB is walking.
LD: Ally, Ally McBeal, hi ! I'm Laura Dipson, pleasure (they shake hands), I'm executive vice president for Women for Progress, a pleasure ! I have some splendid news. You have been nominated for this year's 1999 role model in the category of professionals.
AMB: I beg your pardon ?
LD: Working women. You're a role model. Now we're going to publish this in next month's magazine...
AMB: I don't wanna be a role model (she tries to leave)
LD: That's very sweet, but I'm afraid you really have no choice. Anyway, it'll be wonderful, you'll love it ! We're going to have to make a few adjustments in the way that you dress, and I'd really like to fatten you up a little bit, we do not want young girls glamorizing that thin thing !
AMB (now upset): Wow, wow, wow, wow, wait a second. Who are you ?
LD (shaking her hand again): I told you, Laura Dipson, a pleasure. Now my sources tell me that you feel an emotional void without a man, we're really gonna have to lose that if women are gonna look up to you !
AMB: I don't want them looking at me at all ! (she tries to leave again)
LD (now very angry, grabbing her arm): Don't be pissy ! You're a role model ! And you'll do what we tell you to do ! Now you can start by dropping that skinny, whiny, emotional slut thing and be exactly what we want you to be, nothing more, nothing less (voice starts to fade out) Can you do that, pinhead ?
AMB bites her nose off, and spits it on the glass of a door where it stays stuck.
In JC's office.
JC: You bit off her nose ?
AMB: Yes. And I got blood on my outfit.
JC: OK. But what does this dream have to do with Greg ?
AMB: I think it's my idea of a relationship, or something...
JC: Which is ?
AMB: I want somebody I can be totally weak with. Somebody who will hold me and make me feel... held.
JC: But ! Can't you have that without biting off some woman's nose ?
AMB: Don't you get it, John, I think I crave some kind of dependency and that makes me feel like a failure as a woman ! You know I had a dream that they put my face on the cover of Time Magazine as the face of feminism ? (pause) You took a moment, I saw that.
JC: Ally, you're really afraid of becoming dependent ?
AMB: I... I don't know, I mean, I look at this client we have, Kimberly Goodman ? She basically put her whole life into this marriage, and...
JC: But you don't have to stop your life or your work to love somebody.
AMB: Well, you... you have to take some kind of emotional free fall... (she giggles) Listen to me, I sound just like you ! Fear of splat.
JC looks his watch. Time over.
AMB's home.
GB and AMB having dinner.
GB: Splat ?
AMB: Yeah ! Here I am, lecturing John about not taking chances, all the while... I'm just telling you this in case, should I turn all rigid like a potato chip, don't give up on me.
GB: You really got hurt, didn't you ? With Billy ?
AMB: Oh, umm, well, I think just... a little.
GB: Have you loved anybody since ?
AMB: Well, umm, umm, no.
GB: Are you afraid of loving somebody else ?
AMB: Umm, don't be ridicule..., umm, yes. But I'm working on it ! I picked out a new theme song today, it used to be "Tell Him", and now it's "Ooh Ooh Child".
GB: "Ooh Ooh Child" ?
AMB (starts singing): Ooh Ooh Child / Things will gonna get easier...
GB: I know that song.
AMB: You do ?
GB: (he sings too) Ooh Ooh Child, things are getting brighter...
RR (coming up behind them - what a voice !): Ooh Ooh Child / Things are gonna...
AMB: Renee !
RR: Kidding ! Just playing through. Believe it or not I have a date too. (she leaves)
AMB: So where were we ?
GB (singing, AMB jumps in): Ooh Ooh child / Things are gonna get easier / Ooh Ooh child / Things will get brighter...
Fade to the bar, where VS sings "Ooh Ooh Child".
GB and AMB dancing.
RF (to JC - looking at AMB and GB): Looks like somebody's making progress. How are you and Nelle doing ?
JC: Well, I'm sensing an impeding breakthrough. I changed colognes. How about you and Ling ?
RF: I don't know. I'm beginning to wonder if she really likes me.
JC: Of course she likes you ! I saw her smile once.
RF: I think she's attracted to me because I seem emotionally void. There's safety in void.
JC: You're falling for her !
RF: Maybe.
JC: Maybe you should try a little Barry White with me. It loosens the romantic muscle.
RF: Umm. Somebody's involved. (pans out to AMB and GB dancing
)
Court room. Goodman's case.
DH testifying.
DH: It's basically an addiction. Sex becomes the absolute center of their lives.
GA: And you qualify this as a disability ?
DH: I qualify it as a compulsive disorder that overcomes free will, I absolutely do.
GA: Doctor Hobble, that sounds a little bit convenient, I mean, what's to stop any man who's been caught with his pants down to say "Hey, I'm an addict" ?
DH: We can't stop men from saying it, but establishing it is altogether different.
FH: Tell me what establishes it.
DH: In simplest terms, it's when people use sex as a mood-altering device, it's just like drugs when used to cope with relational pain.
GA: You compare it to drugs ?
DH: Yes, people use sex to get a high. And just like drugs they begin to need bigger and bigger doses to get that high.
GA: An you diagnosed Mr. Goodman ?
DH: Yes, he suffered abuse in his childhood. He experiences strong bouts of powerlessness, a feeling of being out of control, not just sexually, but in life.
GA: Could this powerlessness extend to a decision to marry ?
DH: Without question.
AMB: Don't a lot of men marry out of lust ?
DH: Absolutely.
AMB: Should we nullify all of those marriages ?
DH: No, there's a difference between being influenced by lust and becoming powerless because of it.
AMB: You're not saying that he failed to understand what he was doing when he married my client ?
DH: I'm not saying that.
AMB: And you're not saying that he didn't know that marriage was legally binding when he entered into it.
DH: I'm not saying that.
AMB: So this mental competency thing... Mr. Goodman knew the nature and the quality of his act when he married Kimberly Goodman, didn't he ?
DH: Yes, as does an alcoholic when he takes a drink, it doesn't mean he has control !
AMB: He had no control when he married Kimberly ?
DH: Addicts can't control their behavior, Ms. McBeal, that's the very symptom of addiction.
Unisex.
JC in front of the mirror. Barry White playing. (The first the last, My Everything). Then we see that RF is dancing with him also. Then LW enters and watch them dancing. EV gets out of a stall and joins them. So does LW. The line is now JC, EV, RF, and LW. NP enters and the music scratches when JC sees her. They all fall down (hearing a bowling strike).
LW: I'm hurt !
Court room.
KG is testifying.
KG: I began to realize all he wanted was just physical.
AMB: Did you know about his affairs ?
KG: Not until a year and a half ago. Hit me like a bomb !
AMB: But you didn't leave him ?
KG: No, we have two children. I tried to work things out.
AMB: Did you two ever seek counseling ?
KG: Oh, yes. We saw this woman who came highly recommended. And he tried to sleep with her.
AMB: The counselor ?
KG: It wasn't just that he was unfaithful. I began to see he really was pathological. He was a sex addict. Things were not going to change.
AMB: So you filed for divorce ?
KG: Yes.
AMB: Was it after he met his lawyer that he decided that he was mentally incompetent ?
GA: Objection !
RF (getting up): Rephrasing. When did he first decide to try and nullify the marriage as a means of circumventing known fault and getting out of paying alimony as the law, morality and decency would require him to do ?
GA: Objection !
RF: Overruled !
FH: Mister Fish ! (she motions for him to sit down - he hears the bad bells).
AMB: Kimberly, if you could say anything to your husband right now, what would it be ?
KG: I suppose I'd tell him that no matter what his problems are, they shouldn't nullify the fact that we have been married for nine years. He might not want to call it real, but it was very real to me.
AMB's office.
AMB and RF.
AMB: The problem is basically stipulated to the addiction, if not the insanity !
RF: But even if he's insane, could we make the argument that, you know...
AMB: That every man is insane to marry ? I don't think you scored with that when you raised it !
LW (stepping into the office): Are we going out ? It's that time of the month for me. I feel like fun.
AMB: And you look like it, Ling ! (LW growls)
LW: Shouldn't you be out somewhere in love ? (AMB growls, less good than LW !)
RF: Down to the bar ! Let's go !
They all leave and go through the lobby. The elevator opens, but AMB spots JC alone. RF and LW go into the elevator.
The lobby. In front of the elevator.
AMB: Excuse me. (she goes over to JC) John, what are you doing here, I thought you and Nelle were going out?
JC: I canceled.
AMB: What ?
JC: Not to worry, I have a plan.
AMB: What sort of plan ?
JC: I think she has a spontaneity vice. I told her I have to work late, if she want to hang around, we'll have a drink. Then when everybody is gone, I will go to her and... (Barry White music playing, JC does a little dance with his fingers)
AMB: What does that (does the finger dance) mean ? (we can see NP slowly coming to them, she can probably hear them)
JC: I'm going to Don Juan her.
AMB: Oh...
NP: I'm excited.
AMB: Nelle ! Hello !
NP: Hello ! I'll get myself ready ! (she leaves smiling)
JC: And now there's pressure !
AMB and RR's flat.
AMB and RR sitting in front of the fireplace - Fire going.
RR: I thought you guys were going out tonight ?
AMB: We switched it to lunch, if I don't nail this closing, I'll... Renee, do you think that it is significant that just as I begin to date somebody, somebody that maybe I... I... I get this case that says don't trust passion, don't even trust trust, because even when you think you found love, it's only temporary, even after nine years, because the statute of limitations never runs out on this right to rip you into shreds the size of your small intestines. I mean do you think ?
RR: You know Ally, that's exactly what I've been stuck on.
AMB: This woman thought she had it. She's a smart woman. I thought I had it with Billy, but it turns out...
RR: No. You had it.
AMB: not as much as I thought I did.
RR: Ally !
AMB: He met somebody else !
RR: Ally, you had it.
AMB: Maybe that's what scares me the most. As soon as you found love, you've had it.
Cage & Fish. JC in front of NP's office door.
He hesitates to open, then opens. NP is sitting behind her desk, hair loose, looking really sexy at him. She gets up, he closes the door behind him, Barry White is singing "Love serenade", NP starts to slowly unbutton her jacket and let it fall down (she is in her bras), then he skirt (she is in panties), JC reaches to strike her cheek, she unhooks her bra, JC looks stunned, the music scratches.
JC: Nelle, I can't ! (he leaves running).
NP (after he left, she's sad): Oh, John...
JC enters his office running, falls down on the floor against the door.
AMB's kitchen. In the fridge (a virgin cola - a sign ? - in the middle of the fridge).
AMB: Calm down !
JC: Never tell a person to calm down when he's agitated, Ally. (takes a Popsicle she found) Yeah.
They go out of the kitchen into the living room.
AMB: So you got scared, you think you're the first person to panic over...
RR: Was it performance anxiety ?
AMB: Renee !
RR: Cause that's big with lawyers !
AMB: Renee ! Go ! (RR leaves)
JC: It wasn't performance, everything was working physically.
AMB: Well then what was it ?
JC: It just felt wrong.
AMB: Well then you did absolutely the right thing ! You might have discussed it with Nelle before sprinting for the exit, but you did the noble thing by not going through with it, I admire you for not going through with it, it... But John ! You have got to talk to Nelle !
Next morning.
RF and AMB at a corner of a street.
RF: Without any clothes on ?
AMB: Richard !
RF: I'm being concerned ! Naked ?
AMB: Stop it ! I shouldn't even be telling you this, it's just that he seemed really...
RF: Did he say why he ran away ?
AMB: Just that it felt wrong.
RF: Ally, sex can never be wrong. "When it's right, it's right, when it's wrong, it's still right" Fishism. Where is he now ?
AMB: I told him to talk to Nelle. (to KG arriving) Hey !
KG: Hi ! We're ready ?
RF: All set. Ally's doing the closing. You're ready ?
AMB: I think so.
RF: Just stay simple, common sense...
AMB: I got it.
Court room. Closing arguments.
GA: There was a defect in the inception of the marriage. My client suffered from an addiction that caused the mental incapacity. Yhat is classic grounds for an annulment. And he's not alone in claiming this mental defect ! Mrs. Goodman herself acknowledged it when she filed for divorce. And it lasted the duration. There was never a decision to ever live together than can be established to be of sound mind. Textbook annulment.
AMB: That's just dumb.
FH: Would dumb be the legal definition ?
AMB: Your Honor, if you look at alimony and palimony, it comes down to fairness. (We see GB enter the court room) Now whatever his problems, which couldn't be kept in check, much less his pants, she endured it for nine years. She's taken care of the children, she's...
FH (interrupting): The problem, Counsel, is that the fairness issue presupposes a valid union, here, technically it might have been invalid !
AMB: And that's dumb !
FH: We're back to legal definitions.
AMB: If we're really gonna go down that road and hold up marriage ceremonies to standards of sanity, watch out ! People run out to Las Vegas on their first dates. Some listen to their astrologers. So many people make terrible horrendous decisions out of passion and we still enforce those marriage contracts.
FH: There is a difference between recklessness and insanity !
AMB: Oh he wasn't insane. He knew what he was doing, even if he was being led by little Mister Helmet Head !
FH: Mister Helmet Head ?
AMB: Love by definition is crazy ! I'm crazy about him, he's mad about her, people get blinded by love, they fall ass over tea kettle. What does that expression even mean, ass over tea kettle ? It's nonsensical ! But we excuse it because if it's about love, fine. Love doesn't make sense. People fall in love for all sorts of insanity's, and we don't legislate the reasons. But once they take vows, once they get that legal piece of paper and once they start having kids, we take that seriously. And we call it an institution. And for this man to be running around vaccinating any woman he can convince to play doctor. For this man to indulge his little affliction at the expense of his wife and his children. For this man to skirt financial and moral responsibility because he found a skuzzy lawyer and a skuzzier shrink to pronounce him disabled. For this man to waltz into a court and get an order saying that this woman was never married, when she led an exemplary married life. For this man to say that he's addicted to love, addicted to sex, addicted to infidelity, lying and cheating. For this man to come in here prorating his penis, like he should qualify for handicapped parking ! (she turns around to Mr. Goodman) How dare you subject this woman to this embarrassment ? How dare you subject your kids to it ? How dare you live ? You giant ass !
The audience breaks into applause. AMB turns back to the judge.
NP's office.
JC comes in and closes the door.
JC: I don't know if I could convey how sorry I am, nor do I know if it would even make any difference. I've been holding back, I thought, because I was afraid of falling in love with you, and I'd get hurt. But I think that my real fear, it's not that I would fall in love with you Nelle, it's that I never would. (NP looks up to him with tears in her eyes) You represent the girl that I can never get in high school, I was the kid who stood in the corner at the dances, and just... I've only dreamt about. And when I'm with you it's like I'm living my fantasy. And that's exactly what I'm doing. And that's all I'm doing. You don't really get me, Nelle, and I don't really get you. I think that what I'm trying to say...
NP: You've met somebody.
JC: No, no, no, I haven't.
NP: Yes, you have. You say I don't get you, I can't connect with your inner worlds... You know anybody who does John ? Anybody you instinctively run to when you need to talk, know anybody who connect with your dream world ? There is somebody John. But judging by the look I see on her face lately, you may have waited too long. Excuse me. (she gets up and leaves).
Unisex.
NP is washing her hands, putting water on her neck, crying. Door opens, she tries to swallow her tears.
BT: Hey !
NP: Billy, hey ! How is Georgette ?
BT: Georgia.
NP: Whatever !
BT: Everything's OK ?
NP: Sure, I just... Patriots, Hartford. Everything's fine.
Court room. Goodman's case.
FH gives her ruling.
FH: I give the petitioner points. And the petitioner's counsel points. For making viable a case for annulment that flies in the face of common sense. And I'm horrified to admit it's a winning argument. My only solace is that the law can go either way on this, and you got one of my favorite judges. Me. I share Ms. McBeal's disgust, and to spice it with a little of my own, I'm ordering the petitioner to pay Mrs. Goodman's legal fees. Petition for annulment denied.
RF: Our rates just shot up !
All happy in the court room. RF touches KG wattle.
On the dance floor.
GB and AMB, RF and LW.
Later GB and AMB sitting on the stairs leading to AMB's building entrance.
GB: Are all your closings so passionate ?
AMB: Some of them more than others.
GB: You take that marriage institution thing kind of seriously, I see.
AMB: Don't you ?
GB: I like marriage. But I only plan to do it once.
AMB: I had this favorite song in high school. I never told anybody because it was Anne Marie and my friends wouldn't let me think it was cool. It was called "Can I have this dance ?". It was about, I don't know, happily ever after or something...
GB: How did it go ?
AMB: You are not gonna trick me into singing !
GB: No, no, no I don't know the song ! How did it go ?
AMB: Well, umm, (singing) I'll always remember / the song that was playing / the first time we danced and I knew. Breaks into VS singing the song. Shots of GT and BT dancing in the bar, as LW and RF, shots of NP alone walking in the street, JC looking through his office window, AMB and GB dancing in the street in front of her building, and last shot is a superposition of the three (JC alone, AMB and GB dancing as snow is falling down, NP walking alone).
VS: As we sway to the music / and to each other, I fell in love with you / Could I have this dance / for the rest of my life / would you be my partner / ever in life ? / when we're together / it feels so right / could I have this dance / for the rest of my life / I'll always remember / that magic moment / when I held you close to me / as we move together / all that I'll ever need / Could I have this dance / for the rest of my life / would you be my partner / ever in life / when we're together / it feels so right / could I have this dance / for the rest of my life ?
End credits.
