Prologue.
Scenes from last episodes.
AMB is walking in the street, buying a paper, gets at a corner and sees a woman sitting on the floor and crying. The music stops slowly like a vinyl being scratched.
AMB (to the woman): Excuse me ? Are you alright ?
HP: Yeah. I'm OK. Sometimes I'm just so OK I have to sit and cry about it. Let some of the joy out.
AMB (hurt and snappish): I was just being concerned.
HP (ironic): Thank you.
AMB (leaving but then coming back): Maybe I could help.
HP (still ironic): You already did, more than enough, really.
AMB (now upset): You know, if you're gonna sit on a sidewalk and cry, you have to expect people to stop and ask to help. You shouldn't be rude to them when they do.
HP: The reason I'm crying is because I just came form the doctor's, where he diagnosed me. (AMB looks sad) with acute courtesy disorder, which causes a compulsion to be impolite (AMB now looks really upset) So I'm sorry if I upset you, bitch !
AMB: You made all of that up. There's no such thing as a courtesy disorder.
HP: If you could just please leave me alone ?
AMB starts walking away. HP gets up, follows her, and throws her bag to push her down. AMB falls.
HP: Sorry ! I dropped my bag. Could you get it ?
AMB: Sure. (she walks up to HP and gives her back her bag) Here you go.
HP: Thanks.
AMB (kicks her, making her fall onto a paper rack): Get up. It's your turn.
PO: Could I play ?
AMB: Hey, hey, officer. How is it going ?
Credits.
Jail.
PO: This way (he opens a door, a second officer grabs AMB's arm, AMB is followed by the woman and holds a toilet paper roll)
G#1: You're back !
AMB: And I have my stationery.
G#1: What did you do this time ?
HP: She assaulted me.
G#2: Let's go !
HP: No no no, I'm afraid of her !
AMB: The same cell ?
G#2: Come on, let's go ! (AMB and HP reluctantly go in)
AMB (through the bars, to the two officers): This is untenable !
Cage & Fish. RF and BT walking.
RF: What do you mean, she got arrested ?
BT: She wasn't that clear, she evidently went to help somebody in distress and kicked her.
RF: That's clear. (they stop looking at JC on the stairs putting Stefan – the frog - down). What ?
JC: Settle. (goes down one step at a time, Stefan jumps down and follows JC).
RF: That can't be the originals. This must be the stair compulsories. (JC picks up Stefan and smiles at him)
GT: John ?
JC: Competition is Saturday.
GT: So you'll be hopping around all week ?
JC: He won't interfere. (GT leaves)
NP (coming up): Hey John !
JC (introducing Nelle to his frog): Nelle, Stefan, Nelle.
NP freaks out, screams and kicks Stefan with a file she was holding. Stefan flies in the room and RF grabs him firmly in his hand. He starts smelling the frog.
JC: Ah ! (he runs towards RF) Good God, Stefan !
BT: Is he hurt ?
JC: I don't know ! How could you do that ?
NP: Sorry, I... I... frogs cause me...
JC: You could have killed him !
NP: He went for me.
JC: His heart is racing.
RF: I'll check myself for worms.
GM (coming towards them): Give him to me, my father's a vet. Give him to me.
NP: What is he doing with a frog anyway ?
GM: Here buddy (talking Stefan in his hands) Here you go... He seems to be OK, what happened.
EV (walking by): Nelle tried to kill him.
NP: I did not !
EV: I saw you.
NP: He scared me.
GM: No, he's fine.
JC: Yep ! May I see him please ? (taking Stefan back).
GM: He's beautiful. White tree frog ?
JC: Umm umm. Yeah. (he leaves).
Cut to jail. The cell with AMB and HP.
HP: You cracked a rib. It hurts to breathe.
AMB: Yeah, well, tough fracture. I mean break.
HP: Can a bruised rib get you out of a court date ? I just ask because you look like you'd know. Do you have a record ?
AMB: No... Well, maybe a little one. What do you have to go to court for ?
HP: I'm being sued tomorrow, and my lawyer dropped me.
AMB: Well, you can get a continuance, they're not gonna make you go forward without counsel. What are you getting sued for ?
HP: Assault.
AMB: Who did you assault ?
HP: My best friend. At least she was my best friend till she slept with my boyfriend.
AMB: She slept with your boyfriend ? And she's suing you ?
HP: Well, I picked her up and sort of threw her...
RR (coming towards the cell): Well, well, well...
AMB: Oh, don't well-well-well me ! I stopped to be a Good Samaritan. She has a history of violence !
HP: Oh, tell the world !
RR (while the door of the cell is being open): You both can go.
AMB: We can ?
RR: Unless you want to make a citizen's arrest against each other ?
AMB: We don't ! (to HP) Do we ?
HP: No.
RR: Then let's go ! (she starts to leave)
AMB (to HP): You know, I... I'm a lawyer. Do you want me to represent you ?
HP: What ?
AMB: Well, I can at least help you get a continuance, in exchange for you agreeing not to sue me.
HP: Are you any good ?
Cage & Fish. GM pacing the lobby.
EV: Are you here to surprise me ? To take me out to lunch ?
GM: It's nine thirty !
EV: Well lunch would certainly surprise me then !
GM: Actually I'm here because I've decided to quit the magazine like we talked about and start up my own.
EV: Excellent !
GM: And I need to file corporation papers and all that, I thought Ally could handle it.
EV (not happy about that but trying to hide it): Great ! Actually, Richard or Nelle are better at corporate, Ally's a litigator.
GM (disappointed): Oh, so I should talk to Richard or Nelle.
EV: I can set up an appointment for you.
GM: Great ! (bends to give her a kiss on the cheek) I'll talk to you later.
EV (giggling): Sure...
GM walks towards the elevator. AMB gets out of it, carrying her usual cappuccino without the lid, and bumps into GM, whose face is now covered in foam.
AMB: Oh ! (GM laughs) Oh I'm sorry !
GM: It's OK !
AMB: Oh, wait, here, let me, let me... (she imagines her tongue growing very long and licking the foam - she actually wipes it off with a tissue) I really have to start watching where I'm going !
GM: Actually, I came in here to see you !
AMB: Really ?
GM: Yeah, yeah, I'm starting a corporation for my new magazine. Do you do corporate work ?
AMB: Me ? Sure !
GM: Elaine thought Richard or Nelle...
AMB: Well, they do specialize in it more than me, yeah. (they both still laugh at the foam) It was great to see you again. (she starts to leave)
GM: You too. (after a pause) Actually, you know, since you were my lawyer before, I think I'd feel more comfortable if, if... that is if you think you can do it.
AMB: Oh, sure, no problem.
GM: Should I set up an appointment ?
AMB: Yeah, yeah, an appointment. How about the end of the day ?
GM: Great. Six ?
AMB: Great !
GM: Nice running into you (he leaves - AMB turns around and starts walking towards her office - EV is in the door and has been watching everything).
AMB (not realizing that EV is sad): Morning !
EV (getting back to her own desk): Morning.
JC's office. JC is sitting at his desk, with Stefan in front of him on the desk. He makes moves with his hands, and Stefan gets up on his back legs (a little like a dog). NP enters the office, sees the frog and screams again. Stefan jumps on JC's forehead.
NP: I'm sorry. They just...
JC: Did you want something ?
NP: Just to... apologize... more. Did you know he's sitting on your head ?
JC: It's a place of comfort to him.
NP: Umm. I'm sorry that I rattled and I know this competition is important to you. (she leaves)
Court room, case of HP. AMB is talking to the judge (Maynard Snipp).
AMB: Your Honor, in the interest of fairness we would like at least a month, so that we could prepare...
Attorney: This is her fourth continuance, this case has been marked "No further continuances" !
AMB: So what are you gonna do, let her proceed without counsel ?
Judge: She has you !
AMB: But I just got the case ! You... you can't penalize her for getting dumped by her lawyer !
Judge: She fired her lawyer.
AMB: Excuse me ?
Judge: Just like she fired the lawyer before that and the lawyer before that. All on the eve of a trial. In order to get another continuance.
AMB: Well, Your Honor, giving that my client has not been truthful with me, I would like to withdraw as counsel.
Judge: Too late, we start tomorrow. You are her lawyer.
AMB: You can't make me !
Judge: The bad news for you is, I can. The good news, dress however you like. Ten o'clock ! Adjourned ! (AMB gets back to her seat at the defendant's table).
HP: I didn't lie. I just didn't volunteer information.
AMB's office.
EV: Well, don't take it out on me !
AMB: That's what you're here for, Elaine ! Your job in part is to be here for me to take things out on. I got to be ready for a damn trial 12 hours after getting a case !
EV: So you're unprepared, it's not like people will notice !
AMB: Excuse me ?
EV: I mean that in a good way, you're so great off the cuff !
GM (entering): Hello ?
EV: George, hi !
GM: Hi !
EV: Twice in one day, to what do I owe... ? (she goes over and they kiss quickly on the lips)
GM: I'm meeting with Ally, getting my corporation started.
EV (acts surprised): Ally's gonna do it ?
GM (embarrassed): I... I just figured I'll be more comfortable with her, since...
EV: Oh. It makes sense.
AMB (talking really fast): We got to get started. I'm suddenly in trial tomorrow and I don't have much time. Have a seat, Elaine, would you hold on my calls ?
EV (sad): Sure (she leaves).
AMB (still talking fast): So, first you need to decide who your officers are gonna be, you might want to explore the idea of a partnership instead of a corporation, there are just some tax consequences, plus you could shield yourself from liability.
GM: OK.
AMB (still fast): Do you wanna think about it or do you want me to just go ahead and... (GM drops the pile of files she had handed him on the desk). What ?
GM: I don't care about some stupid corporation, I mean I thought I did, I do, but... I'm just trying to invent a reason to be in a room with you.
AMB: Oh... oh...
GM: I can not stop thinking about you !
AMB: I don't think that we should be in a room talking about this.
GM (embarrassed): Oh, well, I kind of got the sense that you... I mean we...
AMB: I send out a lot of senses, but... you're Elaine's boyfriend, (she gets up) that's the end of this story.
GM: OK. (starts to leave and then turns around) Ally, Elaine and I are not exclusive, I date different...
AMB: Aha ! You juggle !
GM: I date ! And until I meet the right one, which...
AMB: I'm in trial tomorrow and I... I really...
GM: OK, sorry.
AMB: It's OK, I mean... I'm flattered.
GM: Yeah (he gets to the door)
AMB: But... could you... close it ?
GM: Sure (he does - she sits back down at her desk and she picks candies)
Court room. LP's testifying.
LP: So, I'm working behind the bar, serving a patron. I look up, there's Hannah. (points at HP) Her !
Attorney: The defendant ?
LP (cut to flashback): Yes. I thought she was there (cut to court) for her shift, maybe, umm. Then suddenly she grabs me (cut to flashback) by the hair, (cut to court) then she knocks me down (flashback then court) and she's calling me garbage, and then, she coming (cut to flashback) towards me and she's saying stuff like it's time to take out the garbage, and she's carrying me to this big (cut to court) garbage canister, and she just drops me in (cut to flashback, then court). It was the most humiliating moment of my life.
(cut to later)
AMB: You said you were minding your own business. Were you minding your own business when you started dating Joel Burlington ?
LP: Well, yes, because my personal life is my own business.
AMB: And you knew that she was dating Mister Burlington, didn't you ?
LP: Yes.
AMB: In fact, Hannah had shared with you many times, like friends do, that she was in love with him, didn't she ?
LP: Yes, but she falls in love a lot !
HP (raising from her seat): Excuse me, I'm not a lawyer, I admit, but is she allowed to just lie ? (Judge motions her to sit back down, which she does).
AMB: So knowing Hannah Puck was falling in love with him, you begin to date Mister Burlington.
LP: OK, in my mind...
AMB: Ah ah ah, I don't need you to explain, I'm just looking for a yes or a no.
LP: Yes.
AMB: Umm... You're good friends, she tells you she's falling in love with the guy she's seeing, and then you begin to date him.
LP: I had fallen in love too.
AMB: I see. And tell me, this trash can she threw you in, did it fit ?
Attorney: Objection !
AMB: Oh, withdrawn ! Nothing further. (HP smiles)
The unisex. RF and BT get in, GT already by the sink.
BT: Do you think you're in love with her ?
RF: I don't know, we haven't had sex ! (sees GT) Ling.
GT: You have to have sex before you know whether you're in love with her ?
RF: Of course !
GT: Why ?
RF: Because men love any woman they want to sleep with, it's the ticket to admission. Fishism. (he enters a stall).
GT (opens a stall and jumps back): Ha ! (there's Stefan on the toilet seat cover)
BT: What ?
GT: John's frog ! Why is he always in here ?
RF: He escapes. That's John's seat, he probably likes the scent.
GT: He shouldn't be hopping in here,
RF: Come here, big guy. (Stefan jumps in the bowl - to BT) Great ! You get him.
BT: I'm not getting him.
RF: I've seen your apartment. Georgia ?
GT: Forget it ! (the bowl is flushed, and they look in horror as Stefan is swirled and disappears)
JC (entering, carrying his remote flusher) : I like a fresh bowl. What ?
BT: Richard has something to tell you.
JC: What ?
RF: I just wanna say, umm, good luck on the competition, we're all rooting for you.
JC: Thank you !
RF's office.
BT: You didn't tell him ?
RF: No !
BT: Richard !
RF: It's not something you can just spring, Billy ! Hey John, what's up, seen your frog lately ? Kapish !
GT: So what are we gonna do ?
RF: Just let him be missing for a while. John will worry, in time he'll start to panic, think the worst, and when he finds out it is the worst, at least it won't be a shock !
GT: Oh... That is...
RF: Well then you tell him !
GT: You chased him into the bowl !
BT: All right, look, there is no way that we're not gonna tell this, it's only the decent thing to do !
JC (sneaking up his head through the door behind GT) : Excuse me ?
GT (jumping in fright): Ah ! Sorry, you startled me.
JC: Stefan has escaped again, has any of you seen him ?
GT: No.
BT: I haven't.
RF: Me either.
JC: Damn ! (he closes the door again)
RF: Nice going, mister Decent !
BT: Richard, you've known John the longest, you were nearest when the frog jumped, you tell. (BT and GT leave)
AMB and HP walking in the street.
AMB: It went OK, but you need to convince the jury, Hannah.
HP: Testify ?
AMB: Just speak from the heart, do you have one ?
HP: You know you remind me of me. Thanks. For helping.
AMB: Well I'm sure at one time you were a very nice person.
HP: I was !
AMB: OK, meet me here tomorrow, ten o'clock,
HP: OK !
AMB: OK !
HP: Bye ! (she leaves)
AMB: Bye ! (goes on walking, ducks under an arm holding a cup of cappuccino). Whoa, that was close !
GM (holding a cup in each hand) : You're very flexible, you could do my wiggle walk !
AMB (puts down her briefcase): Listen, George...
GM: I know, I came to apologize...
AMB: Over a cup of coffee ?
GM (throws both cups): I know I put you in an awkward situation, but under the heading of "life, it's too short", I just got a hit the first time I laid eyes on you.
AMB: Well sometimes the best laid eyes can end in disaster... Elaine...
GM: I know, but the fact that you're also admirable doesn't help. It was a treat.
AMB: Me too. (GM starts to leave) Umm George, could you go doing your wiggle walk ?
GM: Excuse me ?
AMB: I think letting you just walk off could haunt me. I think the image would wash away easier if...
GM: Do you want me to do the wiggle walk here, on the street ?
AMB: You said you were a fan of silly.
GM: I did ?
AMB: You also said it made you feel better when you were sad.
GM: Did I say I was sad ?
AMB: Maybe it's me... who's sad...
GM: OK. (starting singing) No no nobody can do the...
AMB: What are you doing ?
GM: You don't know, see whenever I do the walk I have to do it to this song, since I don't have a stereo handy, sometimes I hear the song in my head.
AMB: That's ridiculous, nobody hears music in their heads...
GM: I'm gonna have to get some other lawyers to help with my corporate work.
AMB:OK. Bye George.
GM: Yeah. See you. (he goes doing the wiggle walk, Vonda is singing Nobody can do the.. like I do AMB looks at him going away)
JC's office. JC is blowing a sort of flute that gives a high pitch. RF gets in.
RF: Frog call ?
JC: There's something wrong. Even when he wanders, he always come back quickly.
RF: He's not coming back, John. He was on your toilet seat, again, I went to catch him, he jumped into the bowl, right when you came in hitting your automatic flusher. I should have told you then, but we were thinking there was maybe some way to... soften it. There isn't. I wish... I'm sorry.
JC: Sure he didn't get out ?
RF: Positive.
JC (really hurt, almost crying): Excuse me...
RF: John... hey !
JC: I'd like to be left alone, Richard.
RF: Sure (he leaves)
AMB (seeing RF in the corridor): Richard ! What's wrong ?
RF: John's frog. He was accidentally killed.
AMB: Oh ! (she gets in JC's office and hugs him. JC's crying).
The office. JC is playing "Amazing Grace" on his bag pipe.
GT: What can we do ?
RF: Nothing, just let him know you're there for him. Of course, if you were there to catch the frog, he'd be alive !
GT: You scared him into the bowl !
BT: Alright ! (he leaves, GT follows him)
Court room. HP is testifying.
AMB: You have to admit, this was an over-reaction.
HP: Well, I wasn't just hurt, I was betrayed.
AMB (pointing at LP): By Miss Payne ?
HP: And Joel. I was in love with him. I thought that we would... And when he broke it off with me, the only person that I could turn to was Laura, she was my closest friend. And then I find out that she was...
AMB: So, you physically accosted her ?
HP: Well, I think I just lost myself, I mean for me to even be able to lift her shows I had to be on some sort of adrenaline explosion, she weighs at least 25 pounds more than me.
Attorney (after LP whispered something in her ear): Objection ! My client would like to have that stricken.
AMB: Did you try to hurt her, Hannah ?
HP: No ! I still care for her. I just.. it was more about acting out my own hurt, you know, I mean I just couldn't believe that she would... I can't even bring myself to say it !
AMB: Stab you in the back and steal your lover ?
Attorney: Objection !
Judge: Sustained.
HP: I'm working toward forgiving her, I'm surprised she can't see her way toward forgiving me.
AMB: It's all I have, Your honor. (she turns around to go back to the table, an is horrified as she sees Oren Koolie at her feet, ready to cross-examine).
OK: Miss Puck...
AMB: Objection ! Where did he come from ?
Judge: He filed an appearance.
AMB: But, but... they were hiding him !
Attorney: Objection !
AMB: You just can't sneak co-counsels into the room !
Judge: Miss McBeal !
AMB (ducking under the plaintiff's table and looking): Who else is under there ?
Judge: Miss McBeal ! Proceed, counsel.
OK: Miss Puck, when you first met your lawyer, you attacked her with your bag, didn't you ?
HP: We had a misunderstanding.
OK: And what happened after you hit her with your bag ?
HP: She kicked me.
AMB: Objection !
OK: That woman kicked me, Your Honor !
AMB: Objection !
Judge: Take up to the bench, right now ! (all three lawyers come closer, OK is not visible from the bench) I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I assure you... Is he down there ?
AMB: He's down there. Your Honor, this is blatant abuse, they are trying to attack the messenger by undermining my credibility as...
Judge: Did you kick him ?
AMB: I thought... he was a baby.
Judge: Mister Koolie ? (the attorney lifts him p so the judge can see him) Could you please keep your focus on the witness and not keep going after opposing counsel ?
OK: Yes your Honor.
Judge: Step back ! (they do)
Attorney grab OK and goes to plaintiff's table.
OK: Put me down ! Put me down ! Put me down ! (she does on a chair) Thank you !
HP and AMB walking in the court building corridors.
HP: Why would they bring in the midget ?
AMB: He's not a midget, he's a ten-year-old genius with a hormone deficiency, and they brought him in to make us both look like bullies !
HP: Why did you kick him ?
AMB: Oh, it's a long story.
HP: Look, here he comes.
AMB: You know Oren, I'm really surprised at you, you know you're being exploited for your small stature.
OK: Gotta make a living.
AMB: You're 10 !
OK: Fifty five thousand we walk away.
AMB: Not a chance.
OK: I'll be back ! (he leaves)
HP: Cute little guy. He must have really sailed when you kicked him.
In the office. RF, NP and EV. EV is picking up some pieces on a desk.
RF: What's that ?
EV: It was his remote flusher, he crushed it, I found it on his desk.
NP: Where is John ?
EV: I don't know. Richard we have to do something ! He was so close to that frog !
JC (knocking on the door and entering): Richard ?
RF: Hey John, How are you doing ?
JC: OK. I'd like to have a memorial service. I know it sounds silly, but...
NP: It's not silly !
RF: Not at all. Do it here, in the office ?
JC: It's fine. I'll circulate a memo. (he leaves - NP follows him).
NP: John, I know I seemed hostile to Stefan.
JC: You hated him.
NP: I didn't, I...
JC: You loathe frog kind.
NP: When I was 7 years old, I had a hamster, Millie. I loved her so much ! In high school, I was the star of my track team, I'd win almost every week. People would ask how do you train, and I'd say Hard work and all that stuff, but truth was, it was because of Millie. For 3 years, from second grade on, I would sprint home after school because I, I just... missed her so much, I couldn't wait to see her ! And one day, my brother put an Argentine horn frog in my terrarium, and he ate Millie. It was a year before I could forgive my brother, but I have never forgiven the frog !
JC: Well, Stefan never hurt anybody or anything.
NP: I know, I was just trying to explain.. I'm sorry for your loss.
JC: I appreciate that. (she leaves)
The bar downstairs. RR and AMB getting from the bar to a table.
RR: Fifty five isn't a bad out !
AMB: She doesn't have fifty five thousand dollars ! Plus isn't the other girl... the glue Elaine here?... She took her boyfriend !
RR: Boyfriends are not taken. People find each other, and sometimes there's a bump involved.
AMB: I'm telling you Renee, when I saw him do that wiggle walk...
RR: Then go out with him !
AMB: I can't ! I... (They spot EV and GM dancing on the dance floor)
RR: Is he here because he knows we'd be here ?
AMB: I don't think so. I think she brought him, he doesn't know that we all come ! (she looks at them, he catches her eyes) He does now, he just saw us. (she waves, EV and GM turn in dancing, AMB is smiling from the look he gave her, and EV sees that and puts two and two together).
Cage & Fish. RF, EV, and RR in a corridor walking fast towards RF's office where there is NP, BT and GT.
RF: Where's Ally ?
RR: She went straight to court. Why am I here ?
RF: Because anyone who plans to be at the service later...
BT: What's going on ?
RF: What's going on is the Biscuit will be taking this memorial thing very seriously. It would a disaster for any of us to crack up and the likelihood, with the strange things he says, we might be tempted to laugh, so I think we should get it out of our systems now.
RR: That's why you called me here, to practice a funeral ?
GT: For a frog ?
RF (handing out papers with the eulogy typed): Elaine and I have written a little mock eulogy, hitting the points John will probably touch on. If you have to laugh, do it now.
GT: You've got to be kidding me !
NP: He's got a point. We don't want to laugh during the real thing.
RF: Let's just do it. Elaine...
EV (clearing her throat): He wasn't just a beloved frog. He was an amphibian who loved others. Many reptiles see things as they are and say why...
BT: He's not gonna say that !
RF: Billy, we're dealing with John Cage, who knows what he'll say ?
EV: He was a giving frog...
Court room. Closing of HP's case.
Attorney: Feelings, we can't really control. But behavior ? We can, and we should. Is it understandable that Hannah Puck suffered hurt feelings ? Of course it is ! Is it acceptable behavior for her to assault Laura Payne, to throw her into a trash bin, of course not. And Miss Puck, she took that stand defending her actions basically saying emotions just took her over, saying that Laura Pane was the wrong doer. For what ? For letting her emotions take her over ? She fell in love ! She fell in love. Is it unfortunate that the man was her best friend's boyfriend, yes. But love, true love, it isn't something that just comes along like a train where you can say, Hey, I'll just catch the next one. If everything we've been told about true love is in fact true, maybe it comes along once. It doesn't make sense to exhort the protocol of friendship over the one chance of.. I imagine, two people, being right for each other, knowing they are right for each other, and letting it pass, because she dates my friend. Any woman who does that, well, she sort of dumps herself in that trash bin, doesn't she ? (cut to later)
AMB: Her best friend. Not a friend, her best friend ! Leading her in a big heap. And then she sues her, and then, because she knows she looks like the villain she is, she goes out and hires a diminutive lawyer for the sole purpose of making me the heavy. He strikes up in court and announces that I kicked him once. No relevance except to make you not like me and hopefully then not like my client. A gross attempt at manipulating you and he should be ashamed for it. Ashamed. Now... (OK bursts into tears)
Judge: Mister Koolie ?
OK (still crying very loudly): She hurt my feelings ! (AMB looks embarrassed)
Cage & Fish. JC is playing the bagpipe for the funeral. Everybody is in the office (including GM)
JC: I don't want to be ridiculous about this, I know he wasn't human. But he was a little soul who touched me. And I'm not embarrassed to have loved him, and I'm not ashamed to miss him. I guess the only thing left for me to do is to... (pauses) honor him, and I do that by sharing my love for him with those people I love. To know that it was my own hand that pushed the button ! To know that it was me who had the toilet altered so that (people are starting to crack up) there'll be a stronger flush, cause I like a fresh bowl, and remnants upset me. Imagine what it must have been like, for him, be suddenly caught up in a violent whirlpool cascading, I can only hope the bowl was indeed fresh (people are now laughing and trying to hide it) when he fell into it.
AMB (not able to contain her laugh anymore): Sorry, sorry, sorry, I use humor to pre-empt the pain.
BT: It is working ! (They all laugh out loud now - John leaves)
AMB (running after him): John, John, John, I think you tried to make us laugh.
JC: Why would I...
AMB: Because you're angry right now, and it's easier than being sad.
JC: It was not my intention to be funny.
AMB: But sometimes you are, just the same. You remember how you said people see you as funny strange, when I said I see you as special strange ? Well I've got news for you, everybody in that room thinks you're special, and that's why they're there. SO go finish your service. If we laugh, we laugh, but go finish.
JC (he goes back): OK.
GM (getting out): I can't walk away from you. I won't. (EV is behind him and AMB sees her)
AMB (her beeper goes off): Verdict. See ya.
Court room for HP's case. Jury's coming back.
HP: What do you think ?
AMB: It's close Hannah.
HP: You think the midget made the difference ?
AMB: He's not a midget !
Bailiff: All rise ! (they do)
Judge: Mister foreman, has the jury reached his verdict ?
Foreman: We have Your Honor.
Judge: What say you ?
Foreman: In the matter of Payne versus Puck, we find in favor of the plaintiff, Laura Payne. And we order the defendant, Hannah Puck, to pay damages in the amount of one dollar.
HP: One dollar ?
AMB: That's great !
OK (crying again): One dollar !
Judge: Mister Collie ?
Attorney: Give it a rest, Oren ! (Oren stops)
Judge: Court dismissed !
HP: Thank you so much. You really do remind me of me. Thank you. Bye !
OK (now very composed) : Until we meet again ?
AMB: Yes Oren, until... (AMB gets out, and EV is waiting for her by the water cooler).
AMB: Elaine, what... what are you doing here ?
EV: You can have any man you want Ally. Please don't take mine. (she leaves)
JC's office. NP is entering.
NP: Hey !
JC: Hello !
NP: I've got something for you. I was looking to get a nice card, but I remember when I lost Millie my mother went right out and... (she hands him a box) Here. (JC opens and sees a tiny frog) She's no replacement. But... well, she was cute. For a frog.
JC: She's an American tree frog.
NP: Yes. She got those little gecko hands, like Stefan had.
JC: She's so tiny ! (he goes to caress her and she jumps on his nose. She is very small) Oh !
NP: She likes you !
JC: She needs training !
NP: Yes, we don't want her to jump on people's noses.
JC: Can I call her Millie ?
NP: Sure.
JC: You're a kind person Nelle.
NP: You won't tell ?
JC: It'll be our secret.
GM is in AMB's office. She enters.
GM: Look, Elaine's a great girl, last thing I want is to hurt her, but...
AMB: You know, your wiggle walk... When I was sad, sometimes I'd skip. And the way that you can hear songs in your head... But you see underneath all that fun stuff in common...
GM: What ?
AMB: We're not right for each other. How I know that, I can't really explain, but I do know...
GM: You're lying.
AMB: I... I can't.
GM: Ally, I'm going to end up with Elaine !
AMB: Well, maybe you will and maybe you won't, but I'm not gonna be the one ! It will hurt her more if I...
GM: I haven't so much as held your hand and already I'm in love with you.
AMB: It's not gonna happen George. (she walks past him towards her desk).
GM: If you tell me you don't feel a little of what I feel, I'll leave.
AMB (turning around to face him): I... don't feel what you feel. (She watches him leave and get into the elevator).
End credits.