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Sex, Lies, and Second Thoughts
Larry: Can I help you?
Ally: I'm looking for Tracy.
Larry: Oh, she doesn't work here anymore. She moved to Foxboro.
Ally: Foxboro? She didn't tell me she was moving.
Larry: You wouldn't be Ally McBeal, would you?
Ally: Yes, I would actually. How did you know that?
Larry: She took all her files, except one. Ally McBeal. It's a catchy theme song, by the way. I'm Larry Paul.
Ally: There's a guy that I've been seeing and he asked me to move in with him.
Larry: Bastard. My advice is don't do it.
Ally: Why?
Larry: The guy obviously doesn't want to marry you.
Ally: How do you know that?
Larry: Well, did he ask you to marry him?
Ally: Well, how do you know I want to marry him??
Larry: Because you don't seem like the mistress type. If you're going to move in with a guy you have no intentions of marrying...
Ally: I never said I had no intentions.
Larry: Are you a mistress?
Ally: No! I am not a mistress!
Larry: Then why live with a guy who's afraid to...
Ally: How do you know he's afraid?!
Larry: Because he didn't ask!!
Larry: How's the sex?
Ally: Excuse me?
Larry: With your friend? The sex?
Ally: [hesitates] Well, I don't care to talk about that --
Larry: Ooh, it's that good, huh.
Ally: You are the biggest ass I have ever met.
Larry: Perhaps this is where you kiss it goodbye.
Ally: If you were a decent therapist, you wouldn't be able to make house calls.
Larry: [surprised] I'm not a therapist. I'm a lawyer!
Ally: [pauses] What did you say?
Larry: You thought I was a therapist???
Ally: [nods her head] Uh huh.
Larry: It says Attorney at Law right on door.
Ally: You're a lawyer?
Larry: [nods] Mmm.
Ally: Then why did you entertain discussion about me and my boyfriend??
Larry: Well, uh, you seemed like you needed to talk. I'm a good listener... Right on the door. Attorney at Law. Was that too subtle? Should I have added -- Lawyer. Went to law school. Sold out.
Without a Net
Larry: How's Brian?
Ally: Oh, he's past tense. I'm dating a father and son now. It's a long story. I met the father, he was nice, I started dating him. Met the son, also nice, started dating him. I didn't know and....
Larry: It happens.
Ally: Mmm.
Larry: Well, if you need a sympathetic ear... I can fake it.
Ally: Thank you.
Working on Ally's case
Larry: Ever been married?
Ally: No..... How is that relevant??
Larry: It isn't. I was just curious.
Larry: I'll mark up the motion for 3:00. Can you meet me there?
Ally: I can!
Larry: Okay. Good. Complaint?
Ally: No, no, everything sounds great.
Larry: The complaint. Did you bring it?
Ally: Oh, yeah I did. [reaches into her bag and hands Larry the complaint]
Larry: Oh, good. I'll see you in court.
Ally: Is there anything else I need to know?
Larry: The son will probably live longer.
After finding out Ally wasn't completely truthful with him about her case
Larry: Ally, I don't like being surprised in court. It's a peeve. If I am to continue representing you, you will fill me in on all the incidental little tidbits. Do we have an understanding?
Ally: [in her head] It's when he got strict with me I knew I liked him. I hope this doesn't mean deep down I wanna be spanked.
Larry: I've been meaning to ask you something for awhile now, and it seems this would be a good time. [takes Ally's hands in his] Ally, are you nuts?
(Ally finds Larry out on a date with Nelle)
Ally: You're married, Larry! Don't you think that's a little inappropriate?
Larry: No.
Ally: No?
Larry: I'm divorced.
Ally: Oh!
Ally: This case is over! You can go now!
Larry: I don't want to go. I want you to ditch the father and son act. I'll declare Nelle void. We can have dinner tonight.
Ally: Done!
Ally: So if you were interested, why did you encourage me to date the father and son?
Larry: Well, I didn't know you were interested. Plus it would be unethetical for a therapist to hit on his patient.
Ally: What about a laywer hitting on his client?
Larry: I could only be so ethical.
Ally: Larry?
Larry: Hmm?
Ally: Shut up.
Larry: Done.
The Last Virgin
Larry: For whatever reason, I am really self-conscious about my... my... butt... and the way you stare at it. It could be distracting in a courtroom.
Ally: Well, what if I promise that I won't stare at it? I -- [realizes Larry was just teasing her] I do not stare at your -- mmm.
Larry: Gotcha. It's okay, I stare at yours.
Ally: You do? Why? Do -- [realizes Larry trapped her again]
Larry: Two for me.
Ally: I was disappointed you didn't kiss me last night, okay? There, I said it.
Larry: I kissed you.
Ally: On the forehead. You can't even catch anything from that.
Ally: I think that we should maybe cool it and step back.
Larry: Ally, don't run from me. Don't run from whatever you're feeling. You didn't think I was scared? I've been dating one wrong woman after another. It gets as easy as it does old. And suddenly, you're with somebody who could be right? It's terrifying.
Ally: Larry, you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. I'm demented.
Larry: What else?
Ally: Self-absorbed.
Larry: What else?
Ally: Vain.
Larry: What else?
Ally: Beautiful. That's a good thing.
Larry: What else?
Ally: Maybe incapable of letting myself be loved.
Larry: Then we need to work on that.
Ally: Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? I'm afraid to trust it.
Larry: Then we need to work on that too.
(they kiss for the first time)
Ally: I'll see you tomorrow, right?
Larry: You'll se me tomorrow.
Ally: And the day after that?
Larry: And the day after that.
Tis the Season
Larry: I've always hated Christmas.
(Ally drops the Christmas tree they're both carrying)
Larry: Oh! I should have saved that for later on in the relationship.
Ally: Hmmm. I don't know if I can be with a man who hates Christmas.
Larry: I'm allergic to the down feathers in the couch, all right? There's cholesterol in the eggnog. The tree is a fire hazard. And twinkly lights can cause seizures.
Ally: That's why you hate Christmas?
Larry: That, and... I'm always alone.
Ally: Well, you're not going to be alone this Christmas.
Larry: [smiles] Can you say that again please?
Ally: You're not going to be alone this Christmas.
Larry: I have a son. He's seven years old.
Ally: Why didn't you tell me this before?
Larry: Um, because I'm ashamed.
Ally: You're ashamed of having a son?
Larry: I'm ashamed that I don't see him every day and I'm ashamed that he's grown up for the most part without his father.
Ally: Well, where is he?
Larry: He's in Detroit... with his mother.
Ally: I thought your ex-wife lived here in Boston.
Larry: She does.
Ally: .... oh, you had this child... with another woman.
Larry: [after a little pause] Merry Christmas.
Larry: Ally, when you do have a child... no matter how much you think you're prepared for it, you'll be stunned by the capacity you have to love somebody.
At the bar
Larry: So why'd you bring me here? To inspire me with Elaine's music or get me drunk on eggnog?
Ally: The eggnogs are virgin, thank you.
Ally leads Larry over to the piano
Larry: Where are we going?
Ally: Well, you did say that music was your big companion, didn't you?
Larry: Yeah, but now I have you.
Ally finds Larry in her apartment
Ally: So how long have you been here?
Larry: Oh, and hour or so... I've been singing Christmas carols.
Ally: Oh, right.
Larry: No, I have. I've made a comeback.
Love on Holiday
Ally and Larry run into each other outside
Larry: Hey, they say it's a good sign when a couple can meet halfway.
Ally: Are we a good couple?
Larry: I see potential.
Ally: What are you thinking?
Larry: I don't believe in that.
Ally: Believe in what?
Larry: Uh, telling each other what we're thinking. Overtalking... that can make you lazy.
Ally: I'm sorry?
Larry: Well, part of communication is silent body language... mood... reading each other instead of flipping to the back page for the answers.
Ally: I'm having a little trouble reading you then.
Larry: You know, last week I opened up to you more than I ever..... that was exhilirating.... and a little scary.
Ally: Scared you.
Larry: Well, I'm not afraid of this. I'm really, really excited. If you only knew.... I'm doing a lousy job explaining this.
Ally: No, you're not. You want to take things really slow because you want it to be right. Well, slow doesn't bother me, Larry. You and me.... we're gonna get there and we should just enjoy the ride.
The Man With the Bag
Jamie pops in and surprises Larry and Ally
Ally: [to Jamie] Well, I've heard a lot about you.
Jamie: I've heard a lot about you too, Ally.
Ally: You have?
Jamie: He loves you.
Larry: Jamie!
Jamie: You haven't told her?
Larry: Well, gee, I thought I'd let you break it.
Larry: She wants to be a family again. In part because of Sam, in part....
Ally: Well, there is a little boy to think of. What did you say?
Larry: I, uh.... I agreed. If there's any way we could work out, we should work it out.
(Ally looks heartbroken)
Larry: But I didn't think there was any way because I'm so totally in love with somebody else.
(Ally is surprised)
Larry: And she left. She's probably on her way to the airport... I'm still capable of making a lot of mistakes, Ally, but walking away from you is not one of them.
Reasons to Believe
Ally: Do you love your job?
Larry: Meaning... is it gonna come first in my life?
Ally: No.... well, yeah.
Larry: Uh, I hope not but... No man sets up that as a goal, Ally... 'I wanna live life with my work the number one priority.' I don't think anybody ever says that himself.
Ally: So what happens?
Larry: I don't know. I guess it just happens.
Ally: Well, not to get ahead of ourselves or anything but if we could stay together... I don't want that to happen.
Larry: Me neither.
The Ex-Files
(Ally has a hat on and goes to kiss Larry)
Larry: Oh... my first brim job.
Larry: I kissed her.
Ally: Oh. Well how was that?
Larry: Well, I started to kiss her, I should say. Because I couldn't... obviously I couldn't...
Ally: Well, then there's no problem then. See, because I don't have a problem with the man I'm seeing kissing another woman so long as he breaks it off within, say... what... four or five seconds?
Larry: Ally.
Ally: No, no, no. You know what? I am too old for these kinds of games and I am way beyond men who...
Larry: For your --
Ally: [interrupts him] What do you expect? Do you expect me to give you some badge of honor because you came forward with it yourself?
Larry: If you'll let me speak, maybe --
Ally: No, Larry. I think you should leave.
Larry: You and I could never work. You understand, Jamie.
Jamie: How do you know?
Larry: Because you're not... her. I will always love you. You will always be in my life, but she's it. And even if it's now over between me and her, trust me you don't want to be following her because she's..... she's it.
Renee: I think you should at least talk to him.
Ally: Oh, right. I'm sure there's a very good explanation. She probably got bit by a rattlesnake in the mouth and he was trying to suck the venom out of her tongue.
Renee: Ally, he did come to you. He was honest enough to --
Ally: He kissed her, Renee! And this is the early part of our relationship. Now imagine when we get married and he's required by law to cheat.
Larry: Don't you think I'd want to be with Jamie? She's the mother of my son. All I have to do to see him every day is get back with her, and for a fleeting second yesterday, I wanted to believe it could work. If I could just will myself to... God knows my life would be simpler.
Ally: Then why don't you just do it?!!
Larry: Because I love you !
Ally: [pauses] Fine. Fine, that makes it all better, doesn't it?
Larry: Did you hear what I just said?! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you. And I'm only at the beginning of loving you. And you might think the smartest thing for you to do here is just move on. He's got an ex-wife, he's got a kid, he kissed somebody else, just move the hell on. Well, it's not smart, Ally. It's heart-stupid. 'Cause you love me too.
Ally: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough and you realize it's everything.
Larry: I've been debating with myself whether I should move to Detroit or Canada just to be closer to Sam, but the truth is I don't have a choice. The biggest part of me is here, and even if I moved away, the biggest part of me would still be here.
Ally: Me?
Larry: Yeah. You.
Mr. Bo
Ally: You think it's okay that people get fired and hired based on whether they're attractive or not?
Larry: Ally, you work at Cage & Fish.
Ally: And?
Larry: Um, hmmm... It's extremely well known Richard Fish only hires babes.
Ally: I beg your pardon?
Larry: You didn't know this? It's practically in your firm's resume. Have you ever seen your firm's resume?
Ally: No, Richard Fish does not hire based on --
Larry: You, Ling, Nelle, Georgia.... it's quite the kennel.
Ally: Where did you hear this?
Larry: It's out there! Guys want to work there because of it, so do a lot of women. It's like being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.
Hats Off to Larry
Ally: I had a dream that you left me and I didn't like the way you did it.
Larry: Okay. Well, Ally, it was a dream.
Ally: Well, I don't care! Okay? Because it felt real.
Larry: So...
Ally: So shush! Don't you talk to me. I'm gonna go back to sleep, I'm gonna find you in my dream, and I'm gonna deal with you there.
Sam: I expected you to be younger.
Ally: Sorry?
Sam: Than my mom. They say fathers end up with women younger than the mothers. But you look way older than her.
Ally: [not amused] Hmm. Well, um --
Sam: What are you? 50?
Sam: Do you love my father?
Ally: Very much.
Sam: And he loves you?
Ally: Well...
Sam: Do you have kids?
Ally: No.
Sam: Is your biological clock all ticked out?
Ally: Larry... so, when am I gonna see you again?
Larry: What are you talking about? We're sleeping at your place.
Ally: [surprised] You are?
Larry: Yeah. I mean, you know. He came to see my life.
Ally tells Larry he needs to go to Detroit
Larry: Would you come with me?
Ally: In a second.... But I think this is something you have to do alone, at least initially. It's not about him assimilating into your new life, it's about him needing you in his.
Larry: I will come back.
Ally: I know you will, baby.
Larry: Or you'll come to Detroit.
Ally: Or I'll come to Detroit.
Larry: Hey, this isn't how you go about dumping guys, is it? Get their needy kids to visit and then pack them both on a plane. That's not what's happening here, is it?
Ally: [shakes her head no] Hey, Mr. Larry? I love you.
Larry: I can't handle goodbyes, okay? So just.... you can bare with me on this and just know that I love you and I'll be back.
Ally: Okay.
Larry: And I'll swing by on the way, you know.... just real quick, and then I'll, uh..... you know, I won't say goodbye. But I'll just --
Ally: Leave a note.
Larry: Yeah.... If I so much as look at you, I'll never get on the plane.
Sam: Bye, Ally. I had a wonderful time.
Ally: Mmm. So did I. And you have to come visit me, okay?
Sam: I will. Now I'll put up my window so you and dad can smooch.
Larry: What?!
Ally: Bye, buddy.
Larry: You still hear music in your head, right?
Ally nods yes
Larry: Okay. Just keep hearing that song I wrote you. Okay? And, uh.... don't forget.
Ally: Okay. And don't you forget.
Reach Out and Touch
on the phone
Ally: How's Sam?
Larry: He's doing great.
Ally: Awww. Will you send him my love?
Larry: Sure.
Ally: How's Jamie? Will you send her the measles?
on the phone
Ally: ...... and I ended up singing It's a Miracle with Barry Manilow!
Larry: Really?? Awww, I wish I could've been there.
Ally: Yeah, I wish you could've been there too.
Larry: Did he hit on you?
Ally: No, he did not hit on me! He was a perfect gentleman.
Boys Town
John: Well, maybe 'tis the season for melancholy. Mark and Elaine are splitsville....
Ally: No, they're back together. I fixed it.
Ally hallucinates that Larry is there
Larry: You think you can just fix everything.
Ally is surprised
John: What.... Ally!
Ally: What did you just say?
John: I didn't say anything. Are you okay?
Ally: Yeah. Yeah, you'll work it out with Richard because he's your best friend, and you'll work it out with Melanie because you love her and....
Ally hallucinates that Larry is there again
Larry: And the alternative is too unthinkable.
Ally: And the alternative is too unthinkable.
Falling Up
Larry is back! Ally arrives home and is surprised to find the snowman in her living room
Larry: You stuck me in the freezer?
Ally: How long?
Larry: What?
Ally: Well, I mean, is this.... is this a visit, or.... you know.... how long are you back for?
Larry: Oh, well.... [checks his watch] Does forever work for you?
Larry: I was hoping to move in.
Ally bows her head down and looks like she's trying to make sense of what's happening
Larry: Are you thinking about it?
Ally: Uh, no. Larry.... Larry....
Larry: I promise I won't shave my legs in the tub.
Ally: Hmmm, no..... I just won't be able to take you leaving again.
Larry: Which works out well because I don't plan to. I told you before I'm only at the beginning of loving you.
Larry kisses Ally
The Pursuit of Unhappiness
Ally: Who said anything about redecorating?
Larry: I did. If we co-habitate, we co-decorate. That's it. End of discussion.
Larry: Honey, it hurts. I cut myself. I was using your razor.
Jackson: Look, lady.
Ally: Ally!
Larry: Jackson.
Jackson: First you're kissing me.
Ally: I thought you were him. (indicating Larry)
Jackson: Then you climbed into bed.
Ally: I thought you were her. (indicating Renee)
Jackson: And your hands were all up on my privates.
Ally: Well, because I thought it was the remote control.
Larry: Hold on!
Jackson: You found the remote, now didn't you?
Ally: Yeah, it did feel like the remote control. Hard. Plastic.
Jackson: Oh please, don't flatter yourself!
Renee: Excuse me?
Larry: Excuse me, too. You had your hand on his... remote?
Renee: Hard, plastic?
Jackson: [to Renee] Men have it when they're sleeping.
Larry: Remotes?!
Jackson: No. Erections! And it had nothing to do with her thin, little hand.
Ally: Well, isn't that the remote calling the wrist skinny.
Jackson: What?! [to Renee] Come on.
Jackson and Renee leave.
Larry: So, you kissed him... got into bed with him... and grabbed his remote.
Larry gives the knife he's holding a swift chop to the cutting board.
Larry: Care to dance with an insignificant, litigious, little gnat?
Ally: Where have you been?
Larry: Sears. I picked out a new sofa.
Ally: Oh, for you to be sleeping on at night?
Larry: Or, we could watch TV together. You can work the remote.
Ally: Ugh. Don't be gross.
The Obstacle Course
Ally: You are not gonna win this one!
Larry: You don't think?
Ally: No. Suing somebody for fraud because he didn't disclose his appearance? Did you read the complaint?
Larry: Wager!
Ally: Name it.
Larry: One hour foot rub.
Ally: Make it two.
Larry: You got it!
Ally: Oh, you better buy the oil, big boy, because you can't sue somebody for fraud because you don't like how he looks.
Larry: Hmph!
in court
Ally: Objection! Assuming facts not in evidence. Argumentative. Leading.
Larry: Oh! Could you pick one?
Ally: I pick all three. It's a multi-objectionable question.
Judge: Overruled. Overruled. And overruled. Sit down, Ms. McBeal.
Ally: Think about this. Think about if I were a midget --
Larry: Little person.
Ally: [pauses] Well right. Little... little...
Larry: Yeah. That's right. Go ahead.
Ally: If I were 3-feet tall.... would you still love me?
Larry: Okay, so uh..... are you telling me if you'd walked into Tracy's therapy office months ago and there I stood.... 3-feet tall... that you and I would be standing here?
Ally: Well...
Larry: Liar.
Ally: Oh, don't call me that.
Larry: You would never fall for a midget.
Ally: Oh, little person?
Ally: I'm not big on looks.
Larry: Right. You're not big on looks.
Ally: I just said that.
Larry: And does everyone mark off on his or her calendar... 903 more days till my first face lift?
Ally: You wouldn't love me if I were one, would you? I never realized how shallow and superficial you are and... I am not gonna sleep with you tonight, Larry.
Larry: Wait.
Ally: So I suppose if I'm old and gray and wrinkled one day... you'd no longer love me?
Larry: No, I'll still love you. You'll still be tall.
Ally: Larry, could you beat up Jackson today? Could you do that for me today?
Larry: Yeah, I'll have to check my schedule. What did he do now?
Ally: He was honest with Renee.
Renee: Look, Ally. I'm okay. The truth is Jackson's a little smooth for me.
Ally: Well, that's not the point. Is it, Larry?
Larry: I'm free for lunch. I'll beat him up then.
Ally: You know, um... please don't make fun of me. You're already on thin ice for not loving me if I were half my size.
In Search of Barry White
Ally: He asked me for a few tips on how to oppose you in court so I suggested that he break your rhythm. You know, since you're a little useless without it. Cute! But useless.
Larry: You gave John advice on how to beat me?
Ally: Oh, well, his client is my client so...
Larry: We sleep together.
Ally: I realize that.
Larry: And you go behind my back...
Ally: No, no, no. This doesn't betray you.
Larry: What about him? You're giving him tips on how to beat somebody you can't even beat yourself.
Ally: Oh, here we go.
Larry: Whose feet got rubbed!
Ally: One time!
Larry: You've never beaten me and you're holding yourself out as some expert with John.
Ally: No, I'm not!
Larry: Does he know you could never beat me?
Ally: Excuse me?
Larry: John. As he relies on your expertise, does he know you've never beat me?
Ally: No, no, no, no. That is not what you said, Larry. You said that I could never beat you. [to Renee] Didn't he say that?
Renee: He did.
Ally: You really think that I could never beat you?
Larry: Never? No. Just not.... ever.
[Ally smiles]
Larry: I love that smile. [to Renee] You like her smile?
Renee: Adorable.
Ally: I'm gonna tell you something, Larry. Not only am I gonna beat you one day... But John, with my advice, is gonna beat you here.
Larry: This case?
Ally: Yes.
Larry: On cloning a human?
Ally: Yes.
Larry: As thou speaketh, my feet itcheth.
Ally: Good. 'Cuz you're on. Two hours.
Larry: Excellent.
Ally: All right. So you made a slight comeback.
Larry: Thank God.
Ally: Sting actually sang to me.
Larry: So did I. Did you even notice?
Ally: Oh! You sang? [pauses] I noticed.
Larry: I'm sorry I missed most of your birthday.
Ally: Well, you halfway made up for it.
Larry: Halfway you think? A third of the way at best.
Ally: Oh! Oh, big talker tonight?
Larry: [smiles] That's right. [pauses] I love you, Ally McBeal.
[Ally smiles]
Larry: Happy Birthday.
[They kiss]
J'aime également beaucoup le personnage de Larry (ait j'ai eu beaucoup de mal à le voir disparaître aussi brusquement de la série).
Son regard, sa première rencontre avec Ally, son je m-en-foutisme, son bonhomme de neige, ses chansons, ses répliques... Un sacré personnage en tout cas et très bien interprété par son acteur... Dommage que celui-ci n'ait pas tenu la route, je suis sure que nous aurions eu encore d'autres beaux moments en perspective...
